Garfield Goes to the Farm
by Malcolm Fox
Summary: Garfield ends up in US Acres after a bad night. Rated T for a little language and drunkness in 1st chapter. The rest is pretty K rated I think. Ch 6 finally up!
1. Where Am I?

**Garfield Goes to the Farm**

Disclaimer: I do not own Garfield or U.S. Acres. The only thing that's mine is the plot.

Summary: a U.S. Acres/Garfield crossover. After Arlene breaks up with Garfield, he goes into a drunk depression and ends up in U.S. Acres.

Author's note: This is my FIRST submitted fanfic evar!(Yay!).

**Chapter 1: Where am I?**

Garfield had no idea where he was. His head was hurting, his vision was blurry, and his stomache was aching. The scenery was not familiar to him at all. It was all green grass and a farm. He doesn't really remember how he got here but he _DOES_ remember what happened before all of this...

It all started 2 days ago. Garfield woke up and ate breakfast as usual. He also did the other usuals: kicking Odie off the table, making fun of his owner Jon, squishing spiders... All of the normal stuff would come to an end later that night. He was taking Arlene out on a date, but not just any date. He was taking her out to the back of the fanciest resteraunt in town.

"After you, madame," said Garfield as he escorted Arlene

"Garfield, there's something I need to tell you," said Arlene

"Don't speak, my dear," Garfield interrupted as he went to look into the garbage and found some thrown away(but still good) spaghetti and meatballs, "Let's just enjoy the food."

"But, Garfield, I really have to tell you something."

"Okay, but make it quick. That spaghetti is getting cold and not eaten."

"Garfield, I'm breaking up with you!"

"WHAT!" Garfield exclaimed as he choked on his spaghetti, "Why?"

"I've put up with you long enough! You're fat, selfish, and you're always eating my food during

"Do not!" Garfield claimed as he ate the rest of the pasta

"Goodbye, Garfield."

And with that, Arlene left Garfield's life possibly forever.

"Arlene! Come back! I can change! I CAN CHAAAANGE," Garfield yelled to the full moon.

The next morning Garfield was so depressed. He did not want to eat, sleep, or even do the thing he normally did. Jon and Odie were getting very worried.

"Garfield's been really down since Arlene broke up with him," said Jon.

"Arf!" barked Odie

"I have an idea! Let's try to cheer up Garfield anyway we can."

A little later, Jon and Odie came into the room with a pan of lasagna.

"Guess what, Garfield? I made some lasagne and it's _ALL _for you." said Jon happily.

"I'm not hungry. In fact, I don't think I'll ever eat again..." said Garfield saidly as he walk from the room to lay on the couch.

"Oh my... Odie, Garfield doesn't want to eat ever again!" said Jon, "No... NO!" sobbed Jon.

Odie just wimpered.

Later that night, Garfield went into Jon's liquor, got drunk, and went downtown.

"What do you do with a drunken kitty early in the morning!" He sang to himself. Garfield then spotted a watermelon truck.

"Hey, a watermelon truck. Wonder what it's full of?" He asked himself.

Garfield then got on the moving truck and after 2 hours with his drunk self, he continued talking to the watermelons.

"Can you believe that she dumped me like that? After all the things I've done for her?" He said to the watermelon. Garfield then stopped for a moment waiting for a response.

"You said it." Garfield replied "That whore can go to hell for all I care! In fact, for the record I dumped _HER. _And further more..."

And just before Garfield could finish, he passed out in the truck face first. Everything after that was a blur to him...

Back at the farmlands, Garfield was still lost. He needed a way to get back home but had no idea where to go.

"Maybe someone at that farm can help me get home." Garfield said to himself as he went to the farm hoping somebody was there to help him.

**End of Chapter 1**

**----------------**

**Hope you enjoyed the chapter. I'll upload the others pretty soon and don't forget to review.**


	2. Welcome to US Acres

**Garfield Goes tothe Farm**

**Chapter 2: Welcome to U.S. Acres **

Garfield was walking around looking for somebody help him until he spotted a pig wallowing in a mudhole.

"Excuse me, but can you tell me where I am?" Garfield asked the pig.

"You're at U.S. Acres." he answered "I'm Orson. Who are you?"

"I'm Garfield the cat." said Garfield but then he began to think "_Wait, why does he seem familiar somehow? It's like we were on a saturday morning cartoon together? Oh well." "_Say, I need to get home. Do you know a way?" he asked.

"I'm, sorry but I'm just a pig." Orson explained "I can't drive. Just were do you live, anyway?"

"I..I don't know. All this time I've been alive and I don't know the name of my town."

"How did you get here?"

"I don't know that either. All I remember was getting on a watermelon truck drunk and then the rest is blank."

"If you need a place to stay, you can stay here at the farm."

"Really? With chickens and eggs and corn and vegetables and food!" said Garfield excitedly as he began to drool.

"Yeah, but you can't eat any of the chickens or eggs. They're my friends."

"Fine, but I'll eat everything else I can find."

Later, Orson introduces Garfield to the other U.S. Acre animals.

" ...And Garfield, these are my friends Wade, Roy, Sheldon, Booker, Bo, and Lanolin." said Orson.

"Please to meet you," Garfield said to wade extending his paw for a handshake. Wade panicked

"AAHHH! HELP! A FAT CAT! HE'LL EAT US ALL!" he screamed.

"Don't worry, Wade. He made an agreement not to eat any of you guys," Orson explained

"Well its a pleasure to meet you Garfunkle," joked Roy.

"It's Garfield" corrected Garfield.

"Gunfold."

"Garfield"

"Seinfeld"

Garfield sighed. He was then apprached by Bo.

"Don't worry about him. He's just pulling your leg, man," he said

"You shouldn't let him get under your skin." said Booker

Garfield then noticed an egg shell with chicken feet sticking out.

"Hey, how come your brother's still an egg?" Garfield asked.

"Beause I don't want to hatch." said Sheldon.

"How can you eat and see in there?" Garfield wondered.

"It's Science fiction!" Sheldon said in a eerie tone.

"Yeah, whatever," Garfield said. He then turned around and looked at Lanolin who didn't seem interested in meeting the new guy. "Your name's Lanolin, right?" Garfield asked.

"Yeah, so?" said Lanolin.

"Isn't that the name of the grease produced by sheep?"

"You wanna know what else produces grease? YOU!" Lanolin snapped.

"Was that a fat joke?"

"No, this is a fat joke! You're so fat, that if Roy ran around you twice and he'd get lost!"

"Oh yeah, well you're so ugly..."

Bo stopped Garfield before he could finish. He probably did the right thing.

"Whoa, Garfield! The last thing you wanna do is make Lanolin mad," Bo warned him, "In fact, that'll be the last thing you'll ever do!"

Garfield and Bo walk away.

"You're lucky your brother interrupted or else you would've been crying so bad you would've caused a flash flood."

"The only one who would've been crying was you after I've beaten you with your own legs," Lanolin said as the othr fram animals laughed.

With that being said, Garfield shook his fist at Lanolin swearing revenge for that little joke. Meanwhile back at Jon's house, Jon and Odie had been looking for Garfield.

"It's no use we tried looking at his favorite places, but the results are the same: nothing." said Jon.

"Urf..." barked Odie.

"I'm really getting worried. You don't think he skipped town just because he was dumped by Arlene do you?"

"Bark!"

"you really think so, Odie? Well, then let's pack our bags. We're going to find Garfield, even if we have to search this entire country!"

**End of Chapter 2**


	3. TV Time

**Garfield Buys the Farm**

**Chapter 3: Television Time**

Garfield had some trouble sleeping in the chicken coop that night with Roy. He kept kicking him out of the bed, he snored and worst of all, his breath stink. After breakfast, Garfield had nothing else to do.

"What's the matter, Garfield?" Orson asked.

"I'm bored out of my skull." said Garfield, "Is there anything to do around here?"

"You can read one of my books," answered Orson.

"Oh wow. let me see that book."

"Which one?"

"That really big thick book."

"Here you go," Orson said as he handed Garfield the book, "You're going to love that one. It's one of my favorite books. it's called..."

And without warning, Garfield threw the book smackdab onto Orsen's head.

"OW! What did you do that for?" Orson aked as he was rubbing his head.

"Like I, Garfield, the laziest cat in the world, would really be caught dead reading a book other than a TV guide" said Garfield and then had an idea, "Hey, that's it! Do you have a TV around here?"

"Well, no."

"No TV? How can you people waste away your life living like this?" Garfield asked as he grabbed Orson and shook him.

"Calm down! TV's for the braindead, anyway."

"Yes and the braindead are what we consider normal folk."

Garfield then walks off looking for stuff. Bo shows up and sees Garfield picking up junk and trash.

"Whatcha doin', Garfield? Pickin' up junk so you can have a yard sale and make some quick

cash?" asked Bo.

"Nah. I only do that with Odie. I'm gonna make a TV," explained Garfield.

"A TV? I've heard of those things but I've never actually seen one. Can I help."

"What experiences do you have with electronics."

"None whatsoever!"

"Okay, you can help."

After gathering junk and trash, Garfield and Bo are in the shed building a TV.

"They've been in there for hours," said Booker.

"What's going on?" asked Roy.

"Garfield and Bo are in there," Orson explained.

"Doing what? Knockin' boots?" asked Roy jokingly.

"You don't think the new guy's gay is he?" asked Lanolin.

"Why do you care? You hate him remember?" said Roy.

"Of course I hate him," said Lanolin. "I just need another excuse to make fun of him."

Garfield and Bo finally come out of the shed with a tarp over a big box.

"Ladies and gentlemen," said Garfield "Feast your eyes on something so ingenious that even I can't believe that I made it."

"Oh! A tarp!" said Wade in amazement.

"No beak for brains! It's what's under the tarp. Behold." said Garfield.

Bo pulls off the tarp to reveal what looks like a cardboard TV.

"What is it," asked Roy.

"It's, like a TV, man." said Bo.

"Allow me to explain how me made it," Said Garfield. "We used a cardbord box for the case, some old bottle caps for the knobs and buttons, a coat hanger for the antannea and a bunch of wires and junk for the curcits and random stuff inside."

"What are the flaps on the sides for?" asked point to the side of the "TV".

"That's a stupid question. For no apparent reason! Duh!" answered Bo.

"Just how do you guys turn it on without a plug?" asked Orson.

"That's easy. It's solar powered." aswered Garfield confidently.

"You guys have no idea what you're doing! It'll never work!" said Lanolin.

Garfield turns on the TV and it comes on. The other animals' mouths drop.

"Dude! It worked!" said Bo.

"We're geniuses!" said Garfield.

"EXCELLENT!" said both as they began to play air guitar, Bill and Ted style.

"OH MY GOSH!" Wade shouted, "THERE ARE PEOPLE MOVING INSIDE OF THE BOX! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES BEFORE WE GET SUCKED INTO THE BOX OF DOOM!"

Wade ran and hid

"Quit being so scared! It's just television," Lanolin explained.

"Well, television apparently scares me" Wade said.

"Let's see what else is on" Said Garfield. He used the remote control he made for the TV to change the channel and finds...

Binky The Clown!

"HEEEEEY KIDS! It's me! Binky the Clown!" shouted the obnoxious clown.

Everyone screamed.

"I'M DEAF!" screamed Lanolin covering her ears.

"The clown's colors!" Roy shouted as he covered his eyes, "MY EYES! THEY BURN!"

"MAKE HIM GO AWAY!" screamed Wade.

Garfield tried to change the channel but the batteries fell out!

"Oh No! The batteries!" Said Garfield.

"C'mon, man! Change the channel!" said Bo.

"I'm trying but the batteries won't fit!" panicked Garfield as he was jumbling the batteries into the remote.

"Guess what time it is, kids! It's time for, SCREAMING WITH BINKY!" shouted Binky

"I don't like the sound of that!" said Roy, still blinded by the colors.

"Ready..." said Binky

"Hurry up, Garfield!" shouted Bo.

"Set..."

"Got it!", said Garfield triumphantly

Unfortunately, when Garfield tried to change the channel again, the batteries fell out again!

"Not again! We're doomed" Garfield shouted.

"Scream!"

"HELP!" shouted Lanolin.

Before Binky could scream again, Booker changes the channel manually. Everybody sighed in relief.

"Why didn't anyone just try changing the knob?" asked Booker.

"Hey, I might try that," said Garfield as he taped the batteries to the remote, "In about a year or so."

"Let's pray that this never happens again," said Orsen relieved.

After hours of television goodness, Garfield and friends find out that there's nothing good on. The only things on are bad late nite movies and a Binky marathon.

"Well it's getting late anyway. We better get to sleep," said Orson. Everyone leaves except for Bo and Garfield.

"Aren't you coming, dude?", asked Bo

"Nah. I'm gonna sit here and watch TV," said Garfield

"There's nothing on, but some bad movies and that shudders clown."

"You're right. C'mon Bo, let's find some more stuff."

"What are we gonna make now?"

"A satelite. If you thought regular TV was good, then you're gonna LOVE satelite."

**End of Chapter 3**


	4. Saved Your Life

**Garfield Buys the Farm**

**Chapter 4: Saved Your Life**

Life on the farm wasn't so bad for Garfield. He had been there for 3 days and he kinda enjoyed the fresh air and green grass. While wandering into the forest he noticed a bird perched on a tree branch.

"I can't eat the chicks," Garfield said to himself, "But Orson didn't say anything about not eating stray birds."

Garfield climbed the tree and tried to catch the bird. Unfortunately, Garfield missed and once again got stuck up a tree.

"Oh this is just great. Even when I'm not home, I still get stuck up a tree."

Just then, Garfield heard footsteps.

"Hey! Somone's coming! Help! I need help!"

To much of Garfield's dismay, the person wandering was Lanolin.

"Oh no!" Garfield said. "Not you!"

"Hey, what are you doing up there?" Lanolin asked.

"You know, just hangin'(no stupid pun intended)."

"I thought I heard you calling for help."

"I wasn't saying help. I said... uh.. kelp?"

"You did shout out for help. You're stuck up there aren't you?"

"Yes, I'm stuck. Think you can get me down?"

"I don't know... You did call me ugly the other day..."

Garfield sighed and said, "I'm sorry for calling you ugly. No can you get me down?"

"Say 'Lanolin's the prettiest creature you've ever seen' and I'll help you down" she said.

"What?" shouted Garfield, "No way! I won't do it?"

"Have it your way," said Lanolin "I guess I'll be on my way, now."

"No wait!" Garfield gulped. He didn't want to say it but he had no choice. "Lanolin is the prettiest creature I've ever seen. Now get me down!"

"Now Cluck like a chicken!"

"LANOLIN" Screamed Garfield as the branch was starting to break.

"Alright, alright! I'll help you down."

Lanolin climbed the tree and to the branch that Garfield was hanging on to.

"You better not tell anyone I said that or I'll..." warned Garfield.

"Quit your whining, cat. I won't tell" said Lanolin.

Suddenly, the branch gives way and breaks. Lanolin and Garfield landed in a mud puddle.

"Nice job on that rescue," said Garfield sarcastically. "Now I'm all muddy. Do you know how cats have to clean themselves?"

"I got you down, didn't I?"

"Yeah and You almost broke my neck"

Garfield and Lanolin that everything was getting taller.

"Is it just me or are is that tree getting taller," asked Garfield.

Garfield and Lanolin looked down and realised that it wasn't a mud puddle they landed in. It was a quicksand!

"Garfield, this isn't mud. It's quicksand!" screamed Lanolin.

"QUICKSAND? I'm allegic to quicksand!" Garfield shouted. "It causes me to sink! HELP!"

Lanolin was able to slowly move to the tree and climb out.

"Get to the tree and climb out." Lanolin shouted.

Garfield had sunk deeper and was unable to move. The sand was too thick.

"It's no use. I'm in too deep!"

"Grab by hand!"

Lanolin tried to reach for Garfield but hand sank so deep that she couldn't reach him.

"I'm going to get a stick!" shouted Lanolin as she ran.

"Hurry!" shouted Garfield. "

By the time Lanolin got back Garfield had sunk up to his chin.

"Grab the stick!" Shouted Lanolin as she extended the stick. Garfield's head went under, but he was able to grab the stick. With all her might, Lanolin pulled Garfield out of the quicksand and onto solid ground.

"Lanolin! You saved my life!" Garfield said between gasps for air, "What can I do to repay you?"

"You just owe me one," Lanolin simply said.

After returning to the farm, Lanolin told everyone everything that happened. Except for the part when Garfield said that stuff.

"I didn't even know there was quicksand in that forest," Orson said bewildered.

"We're just glad you guys are safe," Bo said relieved, "We were wondering where you were."

Meanwhile, Garfield was sitting alone by a tree and Roy found him.

"Ho ho! I heard a guy rescuing a gril but it looks like the girl rescued YOU!" Roy said rideculing Garfield.

"Shut up!" Garfield snapped, "The important thing is that we're still alive."

"Yeah, everything's alive except your ego."

"What do you mean?"

"If you were a real man, you would've gotten out of there yourself"

Garfield would've been madder at Roy but he was too tired to be mad. He just wanted to take a nap and forget the whole thing ever happened. Later that day, Lanolin was alone thinking about what happened with her and Garfield. Just then, Orson's brothers Mort, Gort, and Wart show up in front of her.

"What do you 3 bozos want?" She asked sternly.

Then without warning they all grabbed her and took her away leaving nothing but a note behind...

**End of Chapter 4**


	5. Enter the caped Avenger And Power Pig

**Garfield Buys the Farm**

**Chapter 5: Enter the Caped Avenger...and Power Pig**

Booker and Sheldon were watching the TV that Garfield made. They were watching some educational show with a puppet. The puppet was singing a song that went something like this:

_This is you left, that's your left._

_This is your left. That is your left. _

_This is your right, that's your right._

_This is your right..._

_you're gonna die!_

"Wow! This show is great" said Sheldon.

"Hey Roy" called Booker, "You have to watch this show! It's real good."

"That's just a stupid, boring, educational puppet show," said Roy, "I don't need a puppet telling me that I'm gonna die!"

It was then that Orson, Wade, and Bo ran in panicking.

"Wade, it's terrible! It's horrible! Oh panic! Oh disaster!" shouted Wade as he ran in circles.

The Garfield walked walked by wondering what the heck was going on.

"What's all the commotion about?" asked Garfield, "I have to catch up on my 24 hours of sleep!"

"Lanolin's been kidnapped!" said Bo.

"Kidnapped?" asked Garfield, "Who'd wanna kidnap her unless they _wanted_ to die?"

"My brothers did!" said Orson, "According to this note, they wanna make a pinata out of her."

"We've gotta save her" said Roy.

"Let's get 'em!" shouted Bo in a battlecry.

Everyone ran to find Lanolin, except for Garfield.

"Aren't you going to help us, Garfield?" asked Orson.

"That depends" Garfield replied, "What are your brothers like?"

"Well, they're big, mean, ugly and pretty strong."

"Then in that case, I never really liked Lanolin anyway," said Garfield as he laid down on the grass.

"I can't believe you! She saves your life and this is how you repay her?"

"Of course not. I'm gonna hold her memorial service tommorow."

"Forget it! Just remember this, YOU OWED HER ONE!" Orson said as he ran to help help his friend.

Garfield had trouble sleeping. Now he started feeling guilty. Lanolin did save his life after all and he wasn't doing anything.

"That stupid pig!" said Garfield as he walked off, "Wait a minute! I shouldn't have to do this. This is a job for a hero!"

Garfield then ran to the chicken coop. Meanwhile somewhere behind the farm, Roy, Sheldon, Wade, Booker, and Bo found Lanolin. She was tied up hanging to a tree, and Orson's brothers were gonna use her as a piniata.

"Where's Garfield and Orson? Shouldn't they be here with us?" asked Wade.

"There's no time to look for them," said Bo, "We've gotta think of a way to get Lanolin back"

Mort, Wart, and Gort were fighting over who gets to beat the stuffing out of Lanolin first. Eventually, Wart got his turn.

"Hey, you think Orson and his pals are gonna come," asked Gort.

"Of course they'll come!" said Mort, "Then the fun will really begin!"

"You're not gonna get away with this!" said Lanolin.

"I've had enough of you!" said Wart, "Let's see if you've got some candy.

Before Wart could swing the bat, there was a voice from the distant.

"Stop!"

"What was that?" Orson's brothers asked in unison.

"Unhand that sheep, swine!" said the mystery voice.

"Who is that?" asked Roy.

"I am the defender of lasagna, snacks, and other good things. I am the destroyer of evil and things that keep people from napping! The champion of good deeds! I am **The Caped Avenger**!"

Everyone looked up on top of the barn and saw what looked like a cat wearing a cape. The all of a sudden a pig in superhero's clothing landed next to him.

"And I am Power Pig!" said Power Pig.

Everyone laughed at Power Pig including Orson's friends.

"Just for the record, I don't know that guy," said the Caped Avenger.

"That pig is obviously Orson," said Roy "But I just can't put my finger on who the Caped Avenger is."(Like it's really that hard to figure out...)

The Caped Avenger jumped down and landed on his feet in front of the three evil pigs.

"Alright caped whatever!" said Mort "Prepare to get pulverized"

Mort charged at the superhero, but was flipped over and landed face first in a mudhole. The Caped Avenger then put out his hand an did the Rock's "Just bring it" taunt.

"My turn!" shouted Wart as he tried to swing at the Caped Avenger with his bat, but missed each time.

"Oops to slow! Was that all you got. My grandma swings better than that."

The Caped Avenger then jumped on Wart's head. Wart took one last one last swing with his bat and rendered himself unconscious. Now it was Gort's turn. Instead of fighting, he untied Lanolin and took her with him.

"Hey, he's getting away with my sister!" said Bo.

"Drat! I have to catch that evil pig!" said the Caped Avenger.

"Wait! I can come with you," said Power Pig.

"Alright Or- er Power Pig. We can team up to defeat him!" said the Caped Avenger.

"Power Pig and the Caped Avenger unite!"

"No that's the Caped Avenger and Power Pig unite!"

The Caped Avenger and Power Pig go in search of Gort. Gort was running away with Lanolin when suddenly she bit him.

"Yeoch! Why you..." He growled as he ran after Lanolin. While she was running, she was all of a sudden lifted up to a tree. She looked up and saw the Caped Avenger upside down and was holding on to her hands.

"You saved me, Caped Avenger," said Lanolin. The Caped Avenger then lifted her up and kissed her. You know, like that upside down kiss on the Spider-Man movie.

"Garfield?" she asked.

"Argh! Um- I know nothing of this Garfield that you speak of!" said the Caped Avenger nervously.

"I know it's you Garfield. You've got mustard on your chin."

"Okay, it's me, but don't tell anyone."

"My lips are sealed, Caped Avenger."

"Now if you'll excuse me, I must find Power Pig."

Garfield, um, I mean the Caped Avenger then lept from out of the tree to assist Power Pig. Gort was getting pretty mad.

"When I get my hands on the sheep, I'll...," SPLUT!

"Eat custard pie!" shouted the Caped Avenger as he and Power pig tossed more pies at him.

Power Pig and the Caped Avenger tossed and tossed until Gort couldn't take anymore.

"Do you give up?" asked Power Pig.

"I give! I give!" shouted Gort as he waved a white flag. Good triumphs one again thanks to Power Pig and **The Caped Crusader!**

Later on exerybody was talking about what happened and then Garfield walks by.

"Hi everyone," greeted Garfield, "What happened?"

"You won't believe it!" said Wade, "A hero had came and rescued Lanolin from Orson's brothers!"

"Did that hero happen to be Power Pig" asked Orson.

"No Orson. It wasn't you" said Sheldon.

"Drat!'

"It was The Caped Crusader!" said Roy.

"He was great. He showed those mean pigs who were boss," said Booker, "You have been there, Garfield"

"Yeah, that Caped Crusader sounds like a real good guy," said Garfield, "It's too bad he couldn't stay. I really would've liked to meet him."

"Hey Garfield," said Lanolin, "Could you come with me for a second?"

Garfield and Lanolin walked away from the group until they were alone and no one could hear them.

"There's something I've gotta know," said Lanolin, "Back at the tree, why did you kiss me?"

"Why are you asking me this?" asked Garfield.

"Why did you kiss me?" Lanolin asked again.

"I dunno. It must've been a superhero thing."

"Yeah, whatever. I'm going home."

"Yeah and I have to go back to Roy's"

Before Garfield could walk to to Roy's house, Lanolin stopped him.

"Um, say, how would like to come over to my house tonight?" asked Lanolin.

"Wait a minute... What's the catch?" Garfield asked suspisciously.

"There's no catch," Lanolin replied, "I know how bad it can be living with Roy and you deserve better after saving me."

"Really? Well I guess I did do a good job" said Garfield as he walked with Lanolin.

Garfield began to wonder to himself. Just why did he kiss Lanolin? Is he harboring feelings for the sheep that taunted him? He stayed up all that night wondering... if she's the one?..

**End of Chapter 5**


	6. Chapter 6

**Garfield Buys the Farm**

**Chapter 6: Could A Cat Love a Lamb?**

**I am so very very sorry for this late chapter. I've been mostly at work, my internet connection got cut off, and the library computers aren't gonna be up for a while, so here's my (very)belated chapter. Updates will be slower**

Garfield was kinda creeped out of the thought that he loved Lanolin. He was only creeped out because of the fact that if he did love her, he could never eat lambchops again.

He just sat under the shady tree, thinking about Lanolin. After a while, he went to talk to Wade.

"Wade, I need someone to talk to," said Garfield.

"Just what is it, Garfield?" asked Wade.

"you see..." said Garfield as he was cut off by Wade's screaming.

"You're here to tell me it's the end of the world!!! HELP!!! PANIC!!!"

"No, it's not the end of the world!"

"HELP!!! It's not the end of the word!"

"Just shut up for a second and let me talk!"

After a few seconds of silence, Garfield took a deep breath and turned to Wade.

"Wade,... I think I'm in love with Lanolin" said Garfield.

"PANIC PANIC!!!" shouted Wade, "GARFIELD'S IN LOVE WITH LA-", before Wade could finish, Garfield grabbed his innertube which made Wade's head inflate.

"If you tell anyone about this, I'll rip the head off your innertube," said Garfield as he showed his claws.

"Y-y-y-yes sir," said Wade as his head deflated flat.

Later, Wade was mumbling to himself saying not to tell. Unfortunately, Roy had heard this.

"What is this about not telling something?" asked Roy.

"Nothing! I can't tell!" said Wade.

"I'll give you a cookie if you tell me."

"A cookie? Okay! Garfield think's he's..."

"NO!" interrupted Roy who took off his head to reveal that he was really Garfield in disquise.

"Hey, how did you take your head off like that, Roy?" asked Wade.

"No you idiot, I'm Garfield in a chicken costume," said Garfield, "I was testing you, and you failed."

"We were having a test?"

"You weren't supposed to tell ANYONE, especially Roy!", said Garfield as he left.

"Got it! Don't tell anyone! Especially not Roy," Wade said to himself as he walked away.

Unfortunately the REAL Roy heard this.

_"Wonder what Wade meant when he said 'Garfield think's he's-'? Well, I'm gonna find out!"_ Roy thought to himself.

He then caught up to Wade.

"Hey Wade, I'll give this cookie if you tell me what's going on!" said Roy holding a chocolate chip cookie.

"Oh, no! I'm not falling for that one again! That's a good one, Garfield," said Wade.

"Garfield? Oh, uh yeah! That's me! That lazy, orange fat cat in a Roy costume!" lied Roy, "Now tell me again what you aren't supposed to tell."

"Don't you remember? You told me not to tell anyone that you think you're in love with Lanolin."

"Thanks! See you later," said Roy as he snickered and muttered sucker to himself.

Meanwhile at the other side of the farm, Lanolin suddenly shuddered.

"What's the matter, Lanolin?" asked Orson.

"I've got this feeling that something bad is gonna happen and I'm involved in some way," said Lanolin.

A little later, Garfield was stealing vegatables when suddenly Roy shows up.

"Hi there Garfield!" said Roy casually.

"I didn't do it!" panicked Garfield as he dropped every vegetable stored in his person.

"Oh, sorry about Garfield, but I heard that Orson and Lanolin just got together."

"WHAT?!?!? Um, not that I care, but why did they get together?""

"Oh, they said that they looooooooove each other very much!"

"Oh. Well, thanks for that bit of information," said Garfield as tears rolled down his eyes.

"See ya later," said Roy as he left.

Garfield then thought to himself, _"My heart has been broken twice! First Arlene dumps me, and now Lanolin is going out with that pig! No! Not this time!"_ Then Garfield walked off to Orson's mud hole.

"Look at him," Garfield said to himself, "Wallowing in the mud on his innertube like that. He thinks he's so big with his curly tail and big nose. I don't see why Lanolin finds that sexy!"

Orson then noticed Garfield glaring at him.

"Oh, hi Garfield," said Orson, "Do you want something?"

"As a matter of fact I do," said Garfield, "I want you... TO DIE!!!!"

Garfield then lunged at Orson pushing him off his innertube and into the mud.

"Garfield! What's the matter with you?"

"Take this, swine!"

Garfield then punched Orson in the face.

"OW! Garfield, that hurt!" said Orson rubbing his nose.

"It's suppose to you idiot! It's a punch!", said Garfield as he gave him another punch. This time to the stomach.

Then Orson began to fight back with punches of his own as dymatic fighting music began to play in the background(imagine one of those wierd background rock tunes from Garfield & Friends). They started kicking and biting each other and getting mud all over themselves.

Everybody then showed up and watched. Wade was covering his eyes, Booker and Sheldon were confused, and Roy was eating popcorn while watching. Then Lanolin and Bo showed up.

"What in Sega Genesis is going on here?" shouted Bo.

"It's the fight of the century!" said Roy, "Garfield vs. Orson: Fight to the death!"

That was when Wade and Bo grabbed Orson and Garfield and seperated them.

"Alright, man, er men!" said Bo, "Explain yourselves."

"He tried to kill me!" said Orson pointing to Garfield.

"But I have to or else Lanolin will never love me!" said Garfield and that was when everything went silent.

"Killing Orson won't make me love you, Garfield," Lanolin finally said.

"Why am I even involved?" asked Orson.

"Roy told me that you and Lanolin got togeth...," said Garfield and then he realised that he was tricked. Played like a cheap 99 cent drum that you buy for your kid only for it to break the very next day.

Roy was sneaking away when Garfield tackled him and began to strangle him.

"Look what you made me do! I'll strangle you so dead..." said Garfield.

"Garfield stop," said Lanolin, "Allow me"

Lanolin then began to choke Roy with a piece of rope. Eventually, she let Roy live, and Garfield apologized to Orson.

"Nice going, Garfield," he said to himself alone at night on a stump, "Not only did I make a fool of myself, I did it in front of Lanolin. Now she'll never go out with me."

"I wouldn't be too sure about that," said Lanolin as she walked over and sat next to Garfield.

"You'll go out with me? But why?"

"So you did something stupid like beat up Orson. You saved my life and impressed me with those swift punches."

"Yeah, well I'm a pretty good fighter when I wanna be."

Then they sat and looked at the stars.

"Hey, ever wondered if a cat and a lamb could make love?" asked Lanolin.

"Not really, but I have wondered if a duck and a chicken could make out if you know what I me-"

Garfield was then interrupted as Lanolin took Garfield's hand and ran into the shed. Then Orson was walking by with a bucket.

"I wish Roy would put things he takes out back in the shed!" said Orson as he walked into the shed. Seconds later he quickly walked out of the shed with his face beet red and his hands over his eyes.

"Oh my! How embrassing," said Orson

**End of Chapter 6**


End file.
